Meraviglioso_Voi
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- Name: Beautiful
- Member Since: 6/6/2004
Thursday, 19 November 2009
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wilting...
Today the clouds release their tears, and I with them. My heart longs for the clarity I once knew, yet with the growth I know now. Almost three years I have fought in this battle with depression, anxiety, and internal anger. And yet to no avail? I pray and hope the morning comes soon...this night-season has been far too long and I am growing weary. Why now? What now? To where from here?
Talking has helped, but I long for more relief, more freedom, not remaining where I was.
The Lord is good. I have not left Him out. Through my mess, He gently put me to sleep...leaving everything behind for a while.
I attempted to update my phone with a few things last night, leading to what would be about three hours of work. In the end, with only steaming frustration, I was no further ahead. Going to bed, I couldn't see anything and couldn't find the blankets...my own fault for waiting. Taking my pillow, I went to the couch where I knew there was a quilt from earlier. Only moments after laying down did my walls crumble and I wept, so upset with myself for everything...staying up late, no progress, alone, etc. Hopelessness was my unwanted company in that moment.
After hours of sleeping, it was only moments since I'd laid down when my beloved came to find me. Calling me to bed, he took care to cover me and comfort me. He did what he could with no response from me. Hating the numbness that took over me within, I could not will myself to forget the night and be... "normal."
This morning I am okay. With a mind of more clarity, I am thankful...but with a heavy heart, I am discouraged.
Nevertheless, the Lord our God, He is One. He is good and He is faithful. To Him be all the glory.
Saturday, 26 September 2009
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...morning at the bar
...today I took my time crawling out of bed. The clouds persuaded me to lay there awhile, fully absorbing the peace of the morning. Within about five minutes and with a little hop in my step, I wandered out of my room to see where D was. Actually, now that I think about it, I don't remember what he was doing...oh yes, he was on a video chat with his Mom, Dottie, & Mrs. Bush. Out in the kitchen, I realized I still wasn't feeling great. Today is day number 4 with this attack on my sinuses, but thankfully I am down to "drainage." Still hard to breathe, but I feel progress. Curling up next to D with my mini-wheats in soy milk, I got to say hi to the family and leave cares to the rest of the world for a few moments.
Shortly thereafter we said our farewells, and for the first time, I practiced a little with D as he went through Sunday morning's songs, laughing through my funny-sounding, sick head-clogged voice. I look forward to next time.
...
On a whim, we decided to pull out our espresso machine and play around with latte art. Though not as suave as those noted on Youtube, we had fun trying our hand. Pulling double shots one after the other, we made a few different drinks and did a little tasting. I liked them all in different ways, some better at the first sip, some at the finish. Of course, not to forget another favorite part, our milk frothing was pretty successful too. Soy milk has a velvety-soft feel as it slides across the tongue with a hint of sweetness, putting any beverage made with soy into its own category. After about a half hour of experiments, I was ready for a full drink. I landed my decision on a decaf double-short, soy, one-sugar latte. Filling my want, I was satisfied to have a seat and watch the rain. Encouraged to view these days through a different lens, about five years ago I began falling in love with cloudy, rainy days. Even my wedding day was charmed with clouds and light air, at which I sighed with a smile and heart of joy for the special occasion. In my renewed perception, clouds might as well be the substance of peace. It is never a downer of a day because it's raining...rain brings the life that we enjoy every other day. I won't ever be able to look at another wet, gray-cast day the same way again. So, paired with a morning at the bar -the espresso bar- I'll say it was a morning to cherish and a day to celebrate.
Friday, 18 September 2009
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Recently...
I was thinking back on the days I used to blog nearly every day. Even more than that, I would also journal each day, some times twice. Gosh, I surely had enough to write about. It's kind of funny actually! I would have to say that my favorite part about being on Xanga is going back through all my entries and remembering everything that surrounded each post...the thoughts, the activities, the people...and more. I even remember when my Mom told me that Darin went back all the way to the beginning and read all my entries I had every posted...haha, it is way funny now. At the time I did not think it was funny, but strange rather, thinking how in the world could my entries be so interesting to someone who doesn't even know me? Ah. But now I know. The very man I thought of as "strange" in those times, eats, sleeps, dreams, talks, plays, works out, visits, and lives life with me now! Lol...*sigh. I am surely in love with this man, no doubt.
Well, at the moment, he is bored out of his mind...so I think I'll go be a friend.
Tuesday, 16 June 2009
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We're going on a golf-outing today, Darin and I. I've been learning a lot about the game and we were able to get some new irons for Darin.
When we first got there, we were looking at the different irons in each set. I pick one up that had and "S" on it and asked D what it signified. He replied with "Sand Wedge" that sounded much more like (as I heard), "Sandwich"...
Lol.
I said, "Sandwich?!?"
I was seriously, honestly confused for about 3 seconds.
He laughed at me, and shook his head. "No no! Sand-Wedge"
Ohhhhh! Got it...
I laughed deeply
Haha...goodness.
We'll have fun.
Thursday, 11 June 2009
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Views?
Okay, so I just kind of explored what "Views" are and I understand that it's other ppl looking at/reading my posts...correct me if I'm wrong. I just have a few entries with several views...and just wonder who these ppl are!
